Spirit of Gratefulness

The past 2 years have been a true journey of realization and discovery. It's far too complicated and convoluted to have to explain all that had happened, suffice it to say that I've seen the dark side of myself and decided it was time to face it - and it wasn't pretty.

I've focused so much on myself and this journey for the past 2 years and dedicated that time to be able to face the demons that this moment of clarity is almost breathtaking. I look around and am amazed at how much I've missed, how blind I was and how unhappy I was. It took a long time and I am still getting help, but I know who I am now and what makes me ... well, me. Well, better than I did a couple of years ago for sure.

Today I decided to stop trying to cross off everything on my to do list, stop trying to get ahead on tomorrow's stuff, stop worrying about the schedule for tomorrow and just pause. I realized I haven't stopped in a long time and just be grateful for what was around me, the people around me and count my blessings.

I am grateful for my husband, his capacity to love, understand and be patient with me. We are so different and it amazes me how well we fit. We both value our individuality and we embrace each other's strengths, we are able to support each others weaknesses and learn from each other everyday. It helps that his industry is so creative and right brained, while mine is very practical and left brained. We're able to balance each other, a huge task but something we both want to make work.

I am grateful for my two beautiful, smart, amazing children. They are my joy and pride, the reason for my insanity and sanity, the meaning of my life and one of my contributions to the world. I am humbled and silenced by them, and they make me laugh. They are silly, goofy, crazy, irritating, stress-inducing, lovable, kissable - everything...my world would definitely be less without them.

My mornings are filled with hugs and kisses from Moira and Ian. My favorite time is in the morning when Brian is in the shower and I have both kids next to me, one under each of my arm. They snuggle, cuddle, kiss and hug as they watch Little Einstein and Jojo's Circus. It's what I need to get motivated in the morning, being such a night owl.

I am grateful for the career I have, because it fits me and I enjoy its challenges. I enjoy its practicality, the ability I have to be able to help others and it satisfies the need in me to keep on learning. I am also grateful for my boss, the senior financial advisor I work with - I couldn't ask for anyone more flexible, understanding, challenging, and demanding. I am grateful that he respects me and my abilities and that he values my time and effort. He appreciates what I do for his practice and is generous in showing his appreciation. I have heard there aren't a lot of people like him.

I am grateful that I have close friends and family who love me and know me well. Whom I can love and share my innermost feelings and fears and be accepted still. I am grateful for the heartache and pain because it taught me that I am stronger than I thought, capable of withstanding more things than I thought I would be able to. I am grateful for people who remained by my side in my darkest times and believed in me. Grateful for their faith in the person that I am. Grateful that I have found true friendships.

I am grateful because God has given to an undeserving soul a peace that is beyond comprehension, a silence that comes not from hurt but from serenity, and a comfort that can only come from someone who loves unconditionally. I am rocked by the fact that throughout everything, the Lord continues to be faithful and merciful and loving. Truly, there is no greater love than this, that one would give His life for a friend. And it is in this gratitude that I can find strength to turn out and look outwards again, and face the world with the authetic self that I have been borne out of love with and seek to share with others the blessings that allow me to be forever grateful.