The Hypothetical Ball and Chain Saga

What began as a journal of sorts into the mind of someone planning a wedding from afar - the highs, the lows, the in-betweens - that ended in a wedding uniquely ours, to the continuing saga of married life and still being an amazon.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Tagged again....this time by Cynch

Seven Things That Scare Me

1.) Insects (Much to Brian’s annoyance)
2.) Birds (ditto here)
3.) Being alone at home and “feeling” someone there
4.) Ever since I had kids I fear people breaking into our home
5.) A future unplanned
6.) Anything that may potentially harm my kids
7.) Getting buried alive (labo but true)

Seven Things I Like The Most

1.) Ipod
2.) Books – any old book will do
3.) Clothes shopping
4.) Shoes shopping
5.) my Vaio
6.) our family pictures
7.) Chocolate

Seven Random Facts About Me

1.) I’m a multi-tasker but if I have only ONE thing to do, I cannot start it
2.) I’ve danced in Cuneta, Luneta and Araneta – hahaha – also had performed in Iloilo and Bacolod
3.) I won first place in a landscape drawing contest set up by the artschool I went to – my favorite medium are pencils. I haven’t drawn in over 10 years.
4.) I’ve finished writing a novel back when I was in high school – it’s somewhere at home.
5.) I learned to speak French in Geneva and got very good – that was back in 1994 – now I want to immerse in it again
6.) I have a memory box that has letters from friends back in grade school
7.) I learned feminist theology and am a feminist in its truer sense.

Seven Important Things In Our Bedroom

1.) Laptops
2.) Bed with our (new) Egyptian 300 count sheets
3.) Playstation 2 – we watch DVDs and Bri plays video games on it
4.) Table and filing cabinet – the one source of organization in our toddler filled house
5.) My big cabinet of clothes, shoes and purses
6.) Box of memories
7.) New books I just bought to stack on my “Books to read” pile

Seven Things I Plan To Do Before I Die

1.) Publish a book
2.) Go on a cruise to Alaska with my hubby
3.) Live in Geneva for awhile
4.) Help my family get back on their feet
5.) Ensure my kids educational future
6.) Be able to give back to the country of my birth
7.) Learn how to be happy and live in the now

Seven Things I Can Do

1.) I can write
2.) I can smoke and quit whenever I want to
3.) I can keep friendships that lasts even while far apart
4.) I can drink 7 glasses of cosmopolitan (tried and tested – was I drunk? Yes.)
5.) I can read all day given the chance
6.) I can dance the swing and boogie too
7.) I can and do everything I can to help friends out

Seven Things I Can’t Do

1.) I can't go on camping trips – nature freaks me out (sad but true)
2.) I can't say goodbye to people with whom I’ve invested lots of time, love and effort
3.) I can't live without drama (either my own or someone else’s)
4.) I can't drive in Manila anymore! (I hate this – the 2 times I tried I almost got into an accident, I just decided to quit for everyone's safety)
5.) I can't last the day without being on the computer
6.) I can't stay mad too long. (ME TOO, Cynch!)
7.) I can't let things go – if it’s not perfect/complete/done, I’ll keep at it

Seven Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex

1.) Eyes – the windows to our soul
2.) Intelligent and smart (those are two very different qualities)
3.) Great sense of humor with a bit of sarcasm
4.) Broad shoulders
5.) Arms that are built to hook your arm around as you're walking
6.) His sense of adventure
7.) A unique quality that intrigues me

Seven Things I Say The Most

1.) Good God!
2.) Oh my gosh
3.) How you doing?
4.) Really?
5.) Stress!
6.) Pick up your toys please!
7.) Ian, Moira NO!

Seven Celeb Crushes (Whether Local or Foreign)

1.) Hugh Grant
2.) Brad Pitt
3.) Matthew Perry
4.) John Corbett (better known as Aidan)
5.) Viggo Mortenson
6.) Doug Flutie (sob, sob)
7.) Chris Noth

Seven People You Want To See Take This Quiz

1.) Gloria
2.) Rhona
3.) Nette
4.) Leslie
5.) Edrei
6.) Ella
7.) Theresa

Friday, August 19, 2005

Birthing stories part deux...


I was in the challenging and competitive world of financial planning, working almost 60 hours a week, taking care of a toddler and being a wife to Brian in 2002. I had been feeling pretty sick for awhile already, and had missed my period but it was a stressful time - I was pretty irregular anyway and didn't pay attention to it. I went to Manila because of a death in the family and also to take a breather - the demands of my job were huge and I was missing a lot out of my little girl. I came home and a week later began complaing to Brian about a shooting pain in my back. I asked him to press it and he bought me a pregnancy kit.

I was pregnant.

Shamefully and guiltily, I admit now that I cried. In fear, in confusion and just being completely overwhelmed. I didn't know how I was going to handle a toddler and an infant AND work. Bri and I talked for awhile at the timing of the baby, but after our hug - we both said, well, if the baby had gotten through 2 forms of birth control, Someone infinitely more powerful and knowledgeable has our lives in His hands. And He probably knows something we don't.

We went to the doctor, all the while dicussing (debating, truth be told) about how far along I was. I was thinking I was maybe 4 weeks, he was convinced I was 8 weeks. The doctor after initially doing an internal ultrasound and going, "OH HELLO!", corrected us both and said I was 14 weeks pregnant! Brian's initial reaction? "Yes! We missed the first trimester - no weird cravings!"

From the start, I already felt that this one was bigger. This time, we both wanted to know what we were going to have. I was ecstatic, I was going to miss morning sickness! (Now that I think about it, I didn't because all the time I was nauseous in the office, I was actually having morning sickness. It wasn't stress, I was pregnant!)

One of the biggest differences with Ian was the relationship I had with my ob-gyn. With Moira, she asked all sorts of questions, I asked all sorts of questions, lots of advice, tips, etc. This time, this was how the typical check up went:

Doctor: How are you feeling?
Me: Bloated, constipated, my legs cramp all the time, my back hurts a lot, headaches are more often, I can't sleep at night, but I'm tired all the time.
Doctor: Ok, so normal?
Me: Yes, pretty much.
Doctor: Any questions for me this time?
Me: Yes, when can we induce?
Doctor: (laughs) Let's try to make 9 months, ok?

The decision to cut on my hours and make a slight change in my career path was made easier and God was watching over us, there was a job waiting for me that accomodated my current situation AND kept me in the industry I enjoyed. Without the crazy hours and insane stress.

Again, the pregnancy went brilliantly. No complications, no bad surprises...just the normal aches and pains and gains of a growing human inside you. It was the longest 6 months of my life. I had initially thought that by having gone through the first trimester without knowing I did, this pregnancy would go much quicker...not quite.

Ian was big! He had his feet in my rib cage ALL THE TIME. When he moved, it wasn't the graceful, slow movements that Moira had - it was abrupt, sudden and action-packed. As I worked, I actually grunted or jumped in surprise when he moved. A co-worker called me her human birth control. Hahaha

The funny part, now that I had experience child birth, I knew the difference between Ian moving (the fluttery movement) and gas. What I couldn't stand about the thing was not being believed because I was the mom. When I told people that Ian was definitely bigger, they all said, "nah, that's only because you feel it more." Hah! We'll see.

My due date was on May 15, 2003. A month before, I was convinced there was no way I was making that mark. He had been in position, I was bigger than I was even though I only gained 30 lbs. again. (I obviously took to heart what our doctor said about maintaining weight gain to 25-30 lbs at most to ensure that I lose it after birth.) But like Moira, Ian was stuck fast to my ribs - he wasn't coming out unless he was pushed out.

May 2nd, Friday - our last doctor's appointment. She said, "you're free and clear, if you want to and you're really having a hard time, I can induce you on Monday." Now before you think I'm complete wuss and HUGE complainer. At this point, I was starting to feel like I was coming down with the flu. The LAST thing I wanted was to be sick and giving birth. So when she said Monday, I said, "Great, see you at 7am." She did warn us though that if another couple goes in that's an emergency, they will be given priority and we might be bumped. I told Brian as we were leaving, "no way, can i be bumped off."

May 5th, Monday, 7am we were at Scripps Memorial Hospital again. This time it was just Brian and myself. I did the things I wasn't able to do before I was strapped the last time, go to the bathroom, tie hair, get ready to be stuck on a bed, etc. and then had the fight with the IV again, and then the pitocin.

Our nurse was just as good as our last one. They stay with you the whole time, so you can only have one nurse taking care of you. EXCEPT, this nurse told me, "why didn't you get the epidural earlier? why did you do the sedative? didn't you wake up every 5 minutes or so in extreme pain?" I love my nurse.

This was our set-up, Bri sat next to me and started reading his comics. I was laying down, with pain killers in my IV and the pitocin, I reached for the TV remote and started watching TV. It even became a game for us to watch as the monitors marked when I was having a contraction and when it started to peak. After a while though, I started to feel the height of the contractions and Brian called the nurse.
Again, the scientific puzzle of injecting the epidural in a pregnant woman's spine and then, the comfort of no pain and just excitement at the coming birth.

Throughout what I would call the calm before the storm for Brian and myself, I only saw a couple people constantly, my nurse and my ob-gyn checking on me, and once in awhile if my nurse was away, another nurse to hand me my ice chips. My nurse and Dr. Nguyen would come in, say something like 6 cm dilated, 80% effaced, you're doing well. And then Brian and I would watch TV, chat and generally relax.

It changed at 2:45pm, when they came in and said, "Ok, it's time." Again, I couldn't feel anything below my waist and so would only push and hope I was pushing when they told me.

At 3:07pm Ian Christopher Rausch was born, 7 lbs. 9 oz (HA!), and 20.25 inches. He was perfectly handsome, as calm as his sister and we had our family.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Birthing stories


I was going through a few birthing stories in n@w and a few bloggers in n@w as i was bloghopping. It made me feel a little sad because I never really put my experience down and now my daughter is 4 years old and my son is 2 years old. But for my own OC mind's sake...hehehe

Moira's due date was supposed to be on January 9, 2001. The pregnancy had been fairly uncomplicated - except for a move from Los Angeles to San Diego on my 8th month requiring me to look for an ob-gyn, pediatrician and hospital a month before my due date - everything went well. Unlike my mom, I was not one who enjoyed being pregnant. Oh, I loved the idea of having our baby inside me, growing and loved it when they moved and enjoyed the "being". I just didn't enjoy how cramped, uncomfortable and tiring pregnancy was.

We decided not to find out what we were having in our first pregnancy. We liked the idea of being surprised, and we also didn't have a preference so for us as long as he/she was healthy, we would be most grateful. As the days leading to the due date, I started gaining a pound a week. I had a slow weight gain, and in fact, lost weight on my first trimester. I made up for it in the second trimester, especially when I traveled to Manila for two weeks, I think I gained 10 lbs. when I was there - my doctor had to make sure I didn't have gestational diabetes.

On our last doctor's appointment, I had gained 30 lbs. It was the heaviest that I had ever been at 132 lbs. and I was unhappy. I waddled instead of walked, couldn't sleep at night as the baby kicked, moved and adjusted ALL night, I was tired all the time, slept for hours during the day and had headaches but couldn't take any of my pain relievers because it would be bad for my baby. The worst was my scoliosis that just hurt all the time. After the doctor examined me, she said I was about 1 cm dilated, but not yet began effacing - which wasn't a big deal anymore at this point since I had been that way for weeks now.

Initially, we had thought we would have our baby early, since history (Brian's mom and my mom) showed a penchant for delivering early babies. Our doctor said because of the weight gain I was showing, she was concerned that I would end up having a CS rather than a normal delivery since she felt my hips too small to accomodate my baby. If my due date came and went, we were to call them and they would arrange for us to come in the next day to be induced.

January 10, at 7am we were at Scripps Memorial Hospital, bright and early with my mom and Brian's dad. I was nervous, excited, scared, happy, relieved, terrified all at the same time. We had gone through Birthing Classes, Breastfeeding classes, Parenting classes but when you're confronted by the reality of what you're really about to do - no amount of coaching, training, or video is going to prepare you. The best thing that those classes did though was give me information on what can 'potentially' happen - these prepared me for what may happen. The one thing I realized, every birth is different.

After signing in, getting an LDR room (LDR - labor, delivery and recovery), and everyone settling down. The nurse connected me to an IV (after several tries and a warning from me that I had very thin veins and they tended to collapse), I gave her my birthing plan, and then injected the pitocin - this would allow me to start my contractions.

People who know me, know that I cannot STAND pain...I am a huge wuss. My threshold for pain is so stupidly low, I refrain from mentioning it. Suffice it to say that the needle on the IV was a huge pain factor for me. That being said, this was actually the first thing I told our nurse the first time she asked me about my birthing plan. She gave me a sedative and told me that I would be given an epidural a little later in the day to avoid slowing down my contractions.

So what this sedative did was knock me unconscious only to wake up at the height of my contractions. And it was PAINFUL!!! I don't know how often I woke up in intense pain, but I do remember there being several times - and my husband's face completely crunched up in worry, fear and just general concern for me - before I fell asleep again. At some point in the afternoon, I was starting to wake up - it was time for the epidural. While it was explained how it was to be administered, the whole logistic of it was something I never really completely understood. How does a woman 9 months pregnant bend forward and protrude her back? Do they not notice the big bump in front of the women? After so much pain though, I didn't care if I was bent over backwards and hung upside down just as long as I had no more pain. Once the epidural was done, I was fine.

So fine, that when the nurse came in with my doctor for the nth time and then said, we're ready. I actually asked, "ready for what?" It was 5pm, I was 10 cm, 100% effaced and baby was in 0 position - it was time to push. I still remember what I was thinking when they told me it was time to push...I don't feel anything below my waist - I don't know if I'm pushing or not.

Apparently I was because at 5:26pm, about 10 hours after inducing, I gave birth to Moira Marie Rausch - 7 lbs. 5 oz. 19 3/4 inches long.

To be continued...

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

I've been Tagged

I've just been tagged by Nette, thanks! Here goes...

1. What are the things you enjoy doing when there's no one around you?
Lately, I've found myself missing time without anyone around me. If I'm not at work, I'm meeting with people for business or with my kids or with my kids and husband. When I do find those few precious hours of alone time I love reading. It just clears my mind of all the crap and need-to-do lists that are constantly in there, and I get to absorb something else beyond what's right in front of me. If I can't turn off my brain though, I also enjoy curling up in bed (usually when Bri is away for a conference or business) and watching all the DVD's I've missed or re-watching a few series. Anything to bring my brain to a halt.

2. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Generally, time alone lowers my stress levels - by myself, hearing myself think and music running. If I can't do that, and I'm REALLY stressed, I break the rules and go bum a cigarette off a friend on the second floor and smoke. Hahaha - luckily for me, this has happened twice this year. Hehehe

3. Tag 5 friends and post it in theirs.
Cynch
Marj
Rhona
Ella
Velvet